So it's no secret I'm single. I have my own scars and regrets about a former relationship that in many ways, propels me into some of the most comical dating scenarios. In Kentucky I have had MANY single dates...not many second dates. I was recently telling a coworker about them, and she encouraged me to blog about these men. First of all, they are from various sources, some are set ups from my married neighbor Robyn, from West Virginia, some from Match.com, and 2 from E-harmony. I have pretty basic standards. I have a job, live on my own, have education enough to not be addicted to meth and get to the dentist regularly. Does my date need these things? Yes. Do my dates always have these? Lord baby Jesus no.
There was (for the sake of the innocent) we'll call him B. A PhD in engineering who worked for a farm equipment company. We actually did 2 dates as one of them he brilliantly concealed his jagged meth mouth (i.e. broken chocolate chiclet teeth)...date #2 we saw "The King's Speech" and had a discussion about his teeth; he stated "18 months to have teeth done is too long". Not a single tooth in his mouth was whole, white, and I have no idea how he eats corn chips...which he loves without diffuse mandibular spasms.
The second bad tooth was just this weekend. This man worked for Toyota and didn't have a single tooth in his mouth. I probed gently about whether Toyota provided dental insurance...his response was "Aw, I don't need to worry about all that." He ate a steak, well done, butterflied...I don't know what was more upsetting, his teeth or what he did to that steak....WHO eats a WELL DONE STEAK that isn't 8 years old? I wanted to order him a plate of whole apples.... At the end of the night he worried about what we'd do on our next date. Well, cowboy, it's likely with a grill like that you also don't need to worry about gingivitis, long relationships, or what I want for Christmas.
There was the man at the dog park who asked me to Walmart...for dinner. That one I considered as I do think all people deserve a chance. I find that most men my age have 3-4 kids, (in some cases 5-6)...have angry ex wives and never knew a woman who pushed herself to finish a Master's degree when I could have been a couch potato and marry into a rich family and make babies. Might I mention the elementary school teacher who pretended to believe in God in order to teach at a local private Catholic School? There was the local real estate magnate, who lied about his age, warping 58 to 41...and having to get up from the table at dinner to take his "sugar reading". Might I add...the man who I met who posted pictures of himself from 1993...and weighed so much he didn't fit in an open booth, he also couldn't walk 15 feet without "taking a break." There are more, but the longer I reminisce, the dirtier I feel... (wait- did I mention the Iraq veteran who threw a beer at my cat, thinking it was a terrorist?)...
The irony is, the more I date, the less I need to fill the "role" of a man in my life. I feel more confident, whole, and self-assured knowing I can provide for myself, and incidentally, I have a dental cleaning and films scheduled for September 1, 11:30 am at the Kentucky Clinic...because I don't want to be "that girl."
